Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Sacred Cow of Grace Church

Okay, I am going to warn you in advance…this is going to be the most transparent blog I have ever written. If you get uncomfortable when I get transparent…if you get offended when I share my personal stuff (yes, some people really do get offended when I do this) then to save you from some certain frustration…STOP READING NOW!

So last week I am using the men’s restroom in the office area (Okay, here is a second warning for those who get offended when I get transparentSTOP READING NOW). As I flush, I realize that the water level rises to the very edge of the toilet bowl and stays there. It then begins to go down at a snail’s crawl. Fortunately, no flooding occurred. I realize, however, that the next male staff member who uses that same stall may end up getting their “feet washed” and it isn’t even communion day here at Grace (in case you don’t get that joke, we wash feet as part of our communion services here at Grace Church).

I could just page our maintenance guy, Jay. However, what is everyone going to conclude if my voice goes out over the whole building saying, “Hi, Jay! It’s your illustrious leader! I need a plunger brought down to the men’s restroom in the office!”

That is like the fear that every man has of going into the grocery store to get certain items for their wife only to have the cashier not be able to find the price and do an “all call” storewide on the intercom for a price check on the specific brand for the customer at register three while you are standing there feeling very uncomfortable.

So I decide that it might just be worth my while to take matters into my own hands. Now, one question…where do we keep the plunger around here? Ask me where we keep just about any other item in this entire 96,000 square foot facility and I can probably take you right to it. But, a plunger? I looked everywhere! I looked in every men's restroom (even a few of the women’s rooms after knocking)! I looked in every maintenance closet! I even looked in Jay’s office himself (after all, he’s a Red Sox fan, so nothing would surprise me!)! But I could not find a plunger to save me!

This led me to ask some perplexing questions. Am I the only one in a church that runs over 1400 on Sundays and has some 500 people in it every day that ever needs a plunger? Whew…maybe I need to recheck my eating habits. What is so special about a plunger that we keep it under such tight security? Hey, every church has their “sacred cow”. For some churches it’s the ‘sanctuary” which means no drinks, food, gum or candy is allowed inside it’s doors…in fact in some churches you may want to take your shoes off before finding your pew on a Sunday morning. The church I youth pastored in had a 10-feet tall fiberglass chicken as their “sacred cow.” What do we have as our sacred cow here at Grace? A “plunger”! I think this week I am going to withhold $10.00 of my tithe (let’ see, that would cut my tithe by two-thirds…just kidding) and buy a plunger for the men’s restroom in the offices (I’m kidding about that too). I may even have my name engraved on it. Now if your offended by all this, remember, I warned you earlier to quit reading so it’s your fault…not mine!

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