I love preaching and I love baseball. So sometimes my mind gets really warped and I can’t help but get lost in imagining a fantasy of what my life would be like if being a preacher was like being a Major League Baseball pitcher.
If this were the case, I would have a preaching coach who would continually work with me on honing my communication skills!
If this were the case, I would only preach every 5th Sunday!
If this were the case, half of my sermons would be given away from the home field of E-Free Church!
If this were the case, I would not start preaching until one of the Board Members yelled, “Play Church!”
If this were the case, the Elders would hold me to a strict “word count” for each sermon much like pitchers are held to a strict “pitch count!”
If this were the case I could “call out” people who were leaving the service early much like a pitcher can pick off a runner off of first base!
If this were the case, the head usher would stand in the back of the auditorium and give me signals as to what kind of sermon to preach or illustration to use!
If this were the case, ushers would walk up and down the aisles selling peanuts and hot dogs while I was preaching!
If this were the case, about ¾ of the way through my message the congregation would stand sing, “Take Me Out To The Ballgame,” following which I would then finish my sermon!
If this were the case, the church would publish a box score of sorts after the service showing my preaching stats. Instead of an E.R.A. (Earned Run Average showing the average number of runs a pitcher gives up every 9 innings) it would show my F.J.T. (Funny Jokes Told showing the percentage of jokes I tell in a sermon that are actually funny!)!
If this were the case, the Elder Chairman could walk up to the pulpit (or lack thereof) if he felt I was struggling in my sermon and bring in one of the other pastoral staff as a relief preacher to finish the sermon!
If this were the case my staff would pour Gatorade over my head after a really good preaching performance!
If this were the case, I could become a free agent at the end of my contract (Hey, maybe there is something to this fantasy)!