Why country music ain't Christian (originally posted April 14, 2005)

Maybe it was my being forced as a kid to watch episode after episode of Hee Haw every Saturday night with my family that did it. Maybe it’s just the “twang” that irritates the snot out of me. I’m not sure, but whatever caused it, country music just doesn’t float my boat in any way, shape or form. Now, I understand that there are many “heathens” (oops…I mean “good folks”) who are part of Grace Church who enjoy this style of music. That’s fine. I mean, I don’t understand it, but that’s still just fine. I understand that when it comes to “styles” of music, there is no one “godly” style and there is no one “ungodly” style. When it comes right down to it, I believe that music itself is amoral. It is the lyrics of the music that makes it sway towards godliness or ungodliness. So I can accept the fact that many Christians (who haven’t matured spiritually as fast as some of the rest of us) like Country music. Really, I’m fine with that. But, let’s be reasonable. How can music with song titles like the ones listed below be a style of music you like? These are actual song titles from actual country-western songs:

• “Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life”
• “Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure”
• “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?”
• “I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling”
• “I Flushed You From The Toilet Of My Heart”
• “I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Do Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win”
• “I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life”
• “If My Nose Were Full Of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You”
• “My Every Day Silver Is Plastic”
• “She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart”
• “Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone”
• “You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly”

So, there you have it . . . factual proof why I don’t think Country Music is Christian. Now, don’t get too offended. I’m not sure CATS are Christians either. No, I’m serious! You know how I can tell? When you pet a cat what does it do? It sticks its rear end way up into the air. Ever noticed that? That’s not a Christian thing to do!