Being above reproach is also avoiding the appearance of evil. In the culture we live in today, we have to take this seriously, especially those of us who are in ministry. Peter teaches that Satan is like a roaring lion roaming around seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). Since this is true, can we ever afford to let our guard down, even for one minute? This verse compels me as a pastor to live my live in a way that not only protects myself from falling into sexual misconduct but also protects me from the appearance of evil.
In the book of Genesis we learn that Potiphar's wife (we don't know her name in Scripture so I refer to the couple as "Potiphar and Hotiphar") has made it obvious that she would like to have an intimate rendezvous with the young, handsome Joseph. But Joseph is able to resist these ongoing advances. But the day comes that, though he again resists, he is falsely accused by "Hotiphar" and winds up in prison. There is a phrase in the verse that describes the leading up to this encounter that I find interesting. Genesis 39:11 says,
"Now it happened one day that he went into the house to do his work, and none of the men of the household was there inside."
Suddenly Joseph finds himself alone with "Hotiphar" and, though he stands strong to the temptation she puts in front of him, he ends up falsely accused. This verse, along with the wisdom shared with me from mentors in my life, have caused me to take very seriously my need to protect myself from even the appearance of sexual misconduct. As a result, I rigidly follow the following three guidelines:
I make my relationship with my wife a priority. We talk openly about dangerous situations. I listen to her when she tells me that there is a person or a situation that she sees in my life that makes her uncomfortable. I believe that she is my first line of defense.
I refuse to be alone with any woman other than my own family. Because of this, I will not meet with a woman at their home. Nor will I meet with a woman in my office unless someone else is in the immediate office area the entire time. When I arrived at Gaylord E-Free, my office door did not have a window in it and there is a good amount of traffic outside of the door. To meet with anyone in my office necessitates the door being closed. At my wife's prompting and wisdom, I had them put a window in the door. This way anytime I am in my office meeting with anyone, there is always open access for others to see inside.
I will not ride alone with a woman other than my family. If there is a meeting that a lady on staff and myself need to attend - we will ride separately. When our kids were young and a teenage girl babysat for us, my wife would take her home afterwards. If I am driving in town by myself and it is raining cats and dogs and a woman I know is walking down the street getting drenched and waves at me, obviously wanting a dry ride, guess what I am going to do? I am going to wave back! I am going to pray for them! I'll make a call for them! But I am afraid they are going to continue to get wet because I am not going to pick them up!
Some of you reading this may think that these are rather ridiculous guidelines. I don't! Neither does my wife! And I bet if I could talk with Joseph today, he wouldn't either!
In the book of Genesis we learn that Potiphar's wife (we don't know her name in Scripture so I refer to the couple as "Potiphar and Hotiphar") has made it obvious that she would like to have an intimate rendezvous with the young, handsome Joseph. But Joseph is able to resist these ongoing advances. But the day comes that, though he again resists, he is falsely accused by "Hotiphar" and winds up in prison. There is a phrase in the verse that describes the leading up to this encounter that I find interesting. Genesis 39:11 says,
"Now it happened one day that he went into the house to do his work, and none of the men of the household was there inside."
Suddenly Joseph finds himself alone with "Hotiphar" and, though he stands strong to the temptation she puts in front of him, he ends up falsely accused. This verse, along with the wisdom shared with me from mentors in my life, have caused me to take very seriously my need to protect myself from even the appearance of sexual misconduct. As a result, I rigidly follow the following three guidelines:
I make my relationship with my wife a priority. We talk openly about dangerous situations. I listen to her when she tells me that there is a person or a situation that she sees in my life that makes her uncomfortable. I believe that she is my first line of defense.
I refuse to be alone with any woman other than my own family. Because of this, I will not meet with a woman at their home. Nor will I meet with a woman in my office unless someone else is in the immediate office area the entire time. When I arrived at Gaylord E-Free, my office door did not have a window in it and there is a good amount of traffic outside of the door. To meet with anyone in my office necessitates the door being closed. At my wife's prompting and wisdom, I had them put a window in the door. This way anytime I am in my office meeting with anyone, there is always open access for others to see inside.
I will not ride alone with a woman other than my family. If there is a meeting that a lady on staff and myself need to attend - we will ride separately. When our kids were young and a teenage girl babysat for us, my wife would take her home afterwards. If I am driving in town by myself and it is raining cats and dogs and a woman I know is walking down the street getting drenched and waves at me, obviously wanting a dry ride, guess what I am going to do? I am going to wave back! I am going to pray for them! I'll make a call for them! But I am afraid they are going to continue to get wet because I am not going to pick them up!
Some of you reading this may think that these are rather ridiculous guidelines. I don't! Neither does my wife! And I bet if I could talk with Joseph today, he wouldn't either!
People may think you're a bit "odd" for having these standards, but if every pastor had them, there would be many fewer "incidents." Better a high standard, and people misunderstand, than no standard, and NO ministry.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
I don't think that is weird at all. Ryan doesn't even go on a test drive with a woman or eat a meal alone with a woman. As his wife, I appreciate that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement, Anonymous! I appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Carrie. I respect Ryan greatly for "going the extra mile" to protect himself, his family, and you! PTL!
ReplyDeleteVery good post! My husband and I have only been married a short time and we have already set these same boundaries. Our youth pastor was the same way and as young teens we had much respect for him and his wife in this area! Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete-Katie-
Praise the Lord, Katie! Thanks for sharing. Many blessings to you and your husband!
ReplyDeleteAmen! MORE men need to hear this message...........and some women too!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Pastor Scott!!
ReplyDeleteReally appreciate the straight forward approach to this subject. So many people think this kind of stuff is not a big deal and satan loves the comfortable Christian. Frankly, too many of us have become complacent with these everyday situations. You hit the nail on the head with Joseph!
Thanks for speaking the truth and not holding back. Appreciate you and Laura and love the example you set of how a husband and wife should deal with these situations!
P.S. Hotipher- that is classic! haha
Thanks, Ryan and Eddie. I appreciate bothof your comments! Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteI think you have the right idea when it comes to being alone with a woman. However, if I saw a woman or a man for that matter, walking down the road in the rain I would offer them a umbrella instead of waving. I have done this very thing before. I couldn't give a stranger a ride but I could offer them some protection just as Jesus offers us protection.
ReplyDeleteGreat thought, Genny! Thanks much!
ReplyDelete