A cure for snoring (originally posted July 21, 2005)

Does anyone in your household have a snoring problem? I must confess that at 793 Sue Drive in Lititz, PA, there lives a snorer. It’s not my wife! It’s not Joy! Its not Jonathan! It’s not the dog, cat or the fish! It’s me! Most nights my wife sleeps using earplugs. Last year, when I lost 32 pounds on the Atkins diet, my snoring subsided greatly. Now that I’ve put those 32 pounds back on (plus a few extra ones for good measure) the snoring is back. There are many home remedies for a snorer but none that catches my attention more than the one I read once as a faithful reader wrote in to Ann Landers:

Dear Ann:

I happen to be a man whose snoring would wake up the dead. Separate bedrooms didn’t help. My wife said she could hear me snoring half a block away.

I went to a specialist and was told I have sleep apnea. I had surgery on my nose, which did not help. I was advised to wear an air mask. It didn’t do a bit of good and kept me up until dawn. I simply couldn’t get used to it.

When my wife said I didn’t snore when I slept on my side, I decided to try something that would keep me from sleeping on my back. I now wear one of my wife’s bras backward. She has sewn two baseballs inside—one in each cup. This worked for us. Please suggest it for others.

Sleeping peacefully in St. Petersburg, Florida

Now that’s a home remedy! But think of the problematic situations you could find yourself in if you put such a tactic into practice. Ann Landers replied to her reader with these words:

Dear St. Pete:

Thanks for a simple solution to a problem that could have ruined your marriage. And now, if there should be a fire in your home in the middle of the night, I hope you will remember to take the bra off before you flee. Most neighbors would not be able to understand the “lingerie.”

Ann

So, am I going to experiment with such a remedy? Well, some things about your pastor are better left unknown. But I can tell you this, as long as Laura is content sleeping with earplugs and as long as I’m not finding my breathing stopping in the middle of the night due to a sleep disorder, I doubt very seriously that I will be going to Wal-Mart anytime soon with a bra and two baseballs on my shopping list.