What creates communication?

So what creates communication? Let me suggest five items.

1. Honesty (Prov 19:5; 26:28)! Willard Harley, in his book, His Needs Her Needs, says that honesty is the best marriage insurance policy. One of the quickest ways to send your communication on a downward spiral in milliseconds is to tell a lie. Lying to your spouse or child, even if to protect them, is never good. Even when our wife asks us if the dress she is wearing makes her look fat…and it does? Even when our wife gets a horrible haircut and asks us our honest opinion on her new “hair-do”? Listen, false security is really no security at all. Always tell the truth.

2. Trust (Prov 25:9-10)! According to this passage, if you develop the reputation of being a gossip, even if you change, the report that you are a gossip will stick with you the rest of your life. My wife and kids will not communicate with me on a level four/level five basis if they think I am going to tell their secrets to others. In my case, this is even more important because I like to use a lot of personal illustrations and stories when I preach. How often do you think my family will really communicate with me if they fear their words will become illustration fodder in the next Sunday morning sermon?

I learned this one Sunday night when my son was very young. I had told a story that evening that was extremely funny and everyone howled in laughter. The story mentioned my son but really was not even about him. On the way home, my son and I were in the car by ourselves. I could tell he was mad at someone. I asked him if he was mad at his mom. He said, “No!” I asked him if he was mad at his sister. He said, “No!” I asked him if he was mad at a friend. He again said, “No!” I then asked him who he was mad at it. He folded his arms, scowled, and said, “You!” I said, “Why are you mad at me?” I will never forget his answer. He said, “Because you made all those people laugh at me!” OUCH! That hurt. I made a commitment right then that I would always ask my family’s permission before telling a story that in any way included them.

3. Patience (Prov 14:29)! If every time I hear a thought, idea or judgment that I do not agree with I respond by quickly blasting back, people will never communicate with me effectively. I like what Zig Ziglar says when he writes, “Seek to understand, then to be understood.”

4. Complete acceptance (Rom 15:7)! My wife and kids will never be honest with me unless they are sure that no matter what they communicate, no matter how much I sincerely disagree or am disappointed, I will still accept and love them.

5. Forgiveness (Matt 18:21-22, 1 Pet 4:8; Col 3:13)! Whenever we communicate in complete openness and honesty, there is a chance of being hurt or hurting another. For me to communicate on this level, I must understand forgiveness. What is forgiveness? It is not forgetting as some have suggested. That is simply impossible. Biblical forgiveness is choosing to never bring the situation back up again in order to use it as a weapon. Without forgiveness, there can never be real communication!